I've been published!
an honor beyond words
I’m so honored to be published in the latest issue of Still Here Magazine, a digital magazine focused on emotional realism.
Check out Issue 3: Sunlight Through The Cracks (pages 144-145) for my first ever publication: Hiding In Plain Sight.
Hiding in Plain Sight
I’ve spent my entire life searching relentlessly for you. I looked for you in coffee shops, wine bars, nightclubs, on train rides and plane rides. I looked for you in different states, different countries, in the mountains, in the cities, in the depths of the oceans. I traveled the world looking deeply into the eyes of others hoping to find you there. I looked down every street, every alley, in every nook and cranny for you, Love.
I even caught you a few times and you were as magnificent as I imagined! Everything with you is magical – your presence makes life sweeter, softer, kinder. I found you in partners, friends and pets…in my career, in my writing, in movies, in books and in nature. You have been present throughout my life in so many different and unexpected ways. You changed me and shaped me in ways I never imagined. But you always slip away. You never stay.
Why don’t you stay?
Each time I catch you, I hold on for dear life. Begging you to please stay this time, begging you not to leave me again. I’ve prayed for you, cried for you, pleaded with you. And yet, every time you quietly and unsuspectingly slip out of my grasp, again. I’ve chased after you in my darkest hours. Had countless sleepless nights longing for you to come back to me. But you don’t come back.
Why don’t you come back?
I believed that if you truly knew the depths of my desire for you, you would stay. That if you saw that my will was stronger than yours, you would stay this time. I wanted to believe that if you understood how desperately I needed you in my life, you would want to stay.
But you don’t stay, you never do.
You are as excruciating as you are exuberant. You arrive without warning and disappear without explanation. You are everywhere and nowhere at the same time. You have brought me the greatest joys and the greatest pains of my life. My highest of highs and lowest of lows have been because of you, Love. You are my best friend and my worst enemy. You abandoned me when I needed you the most and you found me when I least expected it. You are fleeting, mysterious and unpredictable. And yet, I can’t get enough of you. You are addictive and spellbinding, my constant craving.
I looked everywhere for you, Love. Not just pieces and parts of you, but the real you. All of you. And suddenly, on a cold and lonely winter’s night, there you were. Right there in the mirror, staring back at me. I had looked for you in everyone and everything else, but I never looked for you within myself. You were there all along, hiding in plain sight, patiently waiting for me to find you.
You are extraordinary, Love! Bigger and stronger and easier than any other love I’ve experienced. It’s as effortless as an exhale and as pure as honey. I see you everywhere I look now, I feel you in everything I touch. You are delicious and mouthwatering as you swirl through my being filling my heart and soul with your exquisite gifts. You see me, all of me. You hold my flaws and imperfections with a warm embrace. I see now that you are unconditional, infinite and breathtaking.
I no longer fear losing you, Love. This time no one can take you from me. This time I’ve made a home for you, for us, within myself and will fiercely protect you, guarding our love story with my life. You are my north star, my warm blanket on a cold night, my constant companion.
I finally found my forever love with you, Love.