Suffering in Silence
I see you, my friend. I see you over there suffering in silence, putting on a brave face every day. Afraid to show your pain and be seen because you have been conditioned not to burden others with your problems. You’ve been expertly trained to respond to the question of “how are you?” with “I’m fine, how are you?” and burying your pain instead of sharing your truth.
I see you suffering because you are afraid to acknowledge the pain bubbling up inside of you. Because you know deep down that if you unleash it, it will consume you and take you down at the knees.
Today is a reminder that you are not alone. That we are all suffering in our own silent ways, for our own unspoken reasons.
Maybe this time of year reminds you of a dear friend or family member who is no longer with us.
Maybe you just lost a loved one.
Maybe you know deep in your heart that you are in a broken, unhealthy relationship and don’t know how to get out.
Maybe it’s the emotional roller coaster as your kiddos head off to college.
Maybe it’s the knowing that this chapter in your life is ending and there is a frightening uncertainty in what the next chapter holds.
Maybe it’s grieving the loss of a friendship that is no longer serving you.
Maybe it’s the continuous cycles of pain that come from unresolved trauma or ripping open deep-seated childhood wounds.
The seasons of change and remembrance and sadness are constantly swirling around us creating a battlefield of emotions in our hearts. Somedays we think our pain and suffering is behind us and other days it doesn’t let us out of bed. The process of healing is messy, unpredictable and endlessly frustrating.
Be gentle and kind to yourself today. Show yourself the same compassion and grace you show others. Give yourself time and space to sit in the stillness with your emotions. Share your truth and allow yourself to be seen. Love on yourself a little extra today, my friend.
“Darling, you have been taught your whole life that carrying around pain requires strength, but what if I told you that finding the strength to let that pain go is where your true power lays?” - iambrillyant
Self-Love Hacks
One of the most impactful changes I made to improve my mental health was to learn how to love myself. Genuinely and unconditionally love all my parts--the good, bad and ugly.
When my therapist told me this was an area I needed to focus on, my reaction was, “don’t we all love ourselves, of course I love myself.” It seemed so basic, so obvious, so rudimentary. But still, she challenged me to stand in front of the mirror and look myself in the eye while saying out loud, “I love you.”
Friends, the first day I attempted this I cried…and I mean, ugly cried. I was overwhelmed with emotions that I didn’t understand, and those three simple words were stuck deep in my throat unwilling to come out.
Turns out, she was right. I definitely had some work to do.
This part of my healing journey has been the most challenging *AND* the most rewarding. By rooting myself in love, I have experienced deeper love and connection in all other parts of my life. Pure, genuine love is truly magnetic and starts from within.
Below are 7 self-love hacks that launched my healing journey:
Look in the mirror at that beautiful soul staring back at you and say out loud, “I love you!” In case you are challenged with this, like I was, keep trying until the words come out. Don’t give up on yourself.
Reframe negative self-talk into positive affirmations. Write a list + practice them daily.
Laugh at yourself instead of shaming yourself for that stupid thing you did.
Say no when you don’t want to do something + yes when you do.
Stop comparing yourself to others. No one is on the same journey.
Prioritize self-care. Start with small acts of self-pampering that spark joy in you.
Treat yourself to special gifts of love + affection. Think flowers, candles, spa days.
These hacks didn’t come easy at first and falling back in love with myself didn’t happen overnight. It happened over time with patience, persistence and an unwavering commitment to change my way of living.
“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” – Robert Holden
The Power of Words
The words we choose carry an extraordinary power in our conscious and subconscious minds. Our thoughts become our truth and fuel our sense of self. For better or for worse, our hearts and minds believe everything we think, say and consume.
Just like the words that cross our lips can never be taken back, neither can our thoughts. When we allow ourselves to engage in negative self-talk, self-deprecating humor and destructive inner monologue it sticks. It can’t be undone. It can only be overturned by retraining your mind and reframing your thoughts with positive language and affirmations.
It’s easy to become our own worst critic and beat ourselves up over the tiniest mistakes. Over time, these talk tracks erode our self-confidence and we become the incapable person we have told ourselves we are. In the process, we dim our light and take away our power.
NO ONE IS PERFECT. (read that again)
You are human! Full of beautiful mistakes and the constant flow of lessons learned. We are all continually growing and evolving through life…and we never fully arrive at perfection.
We should be just as careful about the words we speak to ourselves as we are with the words we speak to others. Show yourself humanity and anchor yourself to positive habits that reclaim your power and help you step into your brightest light.
When you are dreading something, instead of “I need to…” try “I want to…”.
When you are procrastinating something, instead of “I have to…” try “I’m prioritizing…”.
When you are mad at yourself, instead of “I’m terrible at…” try “I’m still learning…”.
Reframing negative self-talk into positive language is important to maintain a strong mental health mindset. Write a list + practice them daily.
“I never knew words could hold so much.” - Kya, Where the Crawdads Sing
The Song I’m Obsessed With This Week
An Ask
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Thank you for your support! Forever grateful to have you on this journey with me. - Reagan
Thank you for sharing these words. It’s like I’m reading my own thoughts, and not feeling alone. 🙌🏻