What is true for me right now
21 hard truths
Someone asked me this question the other day: “What is true for you right now?”
And my reaction blew my mind.
Normally, when someone asks, “How are you doing?” I give them my usual guarded response of “I’m doing fine, thanks, how are you?” It’s the proper answer, regardless of what’s going on in our lives. We are conditioned to be “fine” and not overshare, certainly not with strangers or occasional acquaintances. Unless it’s someone close to you asking, someone who genuinely cares if you are fine or not, the presumption is that no one else really wants to hear about our struggles.
But on that day, when a perfect stranger asked me, “What is true for you right now?” it felt genuine. It felt warm and welcoming. It felt like a safe space to let myself be seen. My guard immediately went down, and much to my surprise, I answered honestly. Probably for the first time.
With tears in my eyes, I said:
It’s been a *HARD* year, and a particularly hard Fall. My 17-year relationship ended in January, and I’m still reeling from the emotions of it all. I’m raw and wounded and in the thick of trying to rebuild my life. I’m trying to make sense of walking through this world uncoupled, which on most days feels like walking through a room full of peanut butter—every step forward is messy, uncomfortable and requires an intense effort.
It felt good to say it out loud. It was a relief to be honest, to acknowledge that I’m in a season where I’m not fine. I was vulnerable and exposed, but it felt liberating to be seen in my truth, instead of my armor.
“We have a tendency to share our scars not our wounds…but what if the wounds don’t fully close? They deserve to be seen and shared too.” – Lisa Olivera
This question has been staring me down ever since, begging me to dig deep, look inward and be brutally honest with myself. So here we go…
My 21 Hard + Honest Truths Right Now:
1. I’m stuck in what feels like a never-ending cycle of grief.
2. I’m in the murky process of healing my wounded heart. Each day brings an unknown swirl of emotions as I peel back the layers of my pain.
3. Writing is exceptionally hard right now because my mind is buried under a deep fog. I used to write for hours and now I stare at the blank page wishing the words would come out.
4. I’ve learned that nature’s seasons are closely tied to our internal seasons, far more than we realize. And this Fall—the season of change, transformation and letting go—has been particularly hard and lonely for me this year.
5. I want to leave this pain and hurt behind me and start a fresh new chapter, but I think the real lesson here is to learn to live within it. Accepting that these scars are a part of me now.
6. Hope feels slippery. Like chasing a butterfly, grasping her in my palms for a brief second before she escapes, again.
7. This post by Jen Hatmaker on “second chance” love is the most hopeful I’ve felt in a long time.
8. Love is a double-edged sword bringing equal amounts of joy and sorrow. We cannot have one without the other.
9. Fear is actively present in my life right now and I’m trying to sort out where she belongs. Is she my guide, am I following her lead? Or is she my partner on this journey, walking beside me reminding me that I can do hard things?
10. This period of transformation requires an extraordinary amount of patience and I’m reminded daily that patience is my greatest weakness. I desperately want to control the process, but I’m learning that releasing control and surrendering to the process and the pace is the only way through.
11. All life choices are impermanent. We reserve the right to change our minds, to change our direction, at any time. We don’t need a reason; we don’t need approval or permission from others. We need only to follow our heart’s desires.
12. I’m off balance right now, wobbly on my own two feet. I’ve relied too much on my partners to be my source of strength, to ground me.
13. I’m learning that when I begin to feel desperate for external validation and support to soothe me, this is precisely when I need to turn inward. Soothing myself is instrumental to my growth right now.
14. That healing is a balance between doing the deep internal work and allowing myself time for emotional rest. Both are equally as important and necessary to move forward through this journey.
15. That healing is also like turning a car around on a narrow, one-lane dirt road with cliffs on both sides…it feels impossible, it’s full of starts and stops, fear consumes you and all you want to do is scream for help.
16. I can’t decide which is easier: forgiving others or forgiving myself. Both feel impossible.
17. When the Universe brings us the miracles and blessings we’ve been asking for, we must also be open to receiving them. We must also truly believe that we are worthy and deserving of everything we desire.
18. That Vitamin D is my savior keeping my depression at bay every day (read this article to learn more about the powerhouse benefits of vitamin D)
19. It feels like I’m floating through life right now, like I haven’t fully landed on my new path. I’m somewhere along the bridge of the in-between. And, as uncomfortable as it is, I know this is a powerful and necessary time for self-discovery.
20. When I heard this Tony Robbins quote recently, I finally understood why I am here: “Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”
21. That when the first snowfall of the season came, I sighed a deep exhale and thought “I made it.” I survived a really, really tough Fall and I’m ready. Ready for my next season to begin.
Friends, what is true for you right now? I’m listening. <3
Thank you for being here. Thank you, as always, for reading my truths and listening to my stories.
XOXO
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Hugs to you, Reagan. You are unbelievably kind, brave and authentic and your vulnerability is your secret strength. You will get through this season, and you will be a better person for acknowledging and learning from it. All my love to you, dear friend.
I can relate to all 21, thank you for this and thank you for being vulnerable and authentic.